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The trouble is that sex is a force of nature, and reason is not.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another
-- H. L. Mencken

Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.
-- Lord Chesterfield

Love your enemies. It really pisses them off!
-- Unknown

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
-- Mother Teresa

By the time you say you're his
  Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
  Infinite, undying...
Lady, make a note of this:
  One of you is lying.
-- Dorothy Parker

Candy is dandy, but liqueur is quicker.
-- Ogden Nash

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
-- Jane Wagner & Lily Tomlin

In order to maintain an intercontinental relationship, you need a penis 3,000 miles long.
-- David Heileman

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only with what you are expecting to give - which is everything.
-- Katharine Hepburn

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
-- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

The only thing worse than being alone is wishing you were alone.
-- George Gamble

She'll never love you better than she loves her own children.
-- Mark Lawrence

Nothing in this life or the next will bring you more pain than love.
If anyone tells you otherwise, they are liars.
  Or they are still inexperienced in such matters.
  Or they have been exquisitely fortunate in their choice of lovers.
  So far.
-- Takashi Matsuoka

Don't judge a book by its cover, or who to love by your mother.
-- Unknown

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.
-- Joan Crawford

You do not find love; you decide to love. Love does not happen to you; it happens in you. The risk of love is declaring that you have decided to love. Your heart is open and you are exposed, hoping only for mercy from your beloved.
-- Warren Cooley

I used to take hostages in my relationships and not let people be independent. It always ended in disaster, because you take away people’s identity and they end up full of resentment.
-- Elton John

Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.
-- Sydney J. Harris

You can never be happily married to another until you get a divorce from yourself. Successful marriage demands a certain death to self.
-- Jerry McCant

Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't? Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.
-- Unknown

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
-- Oscar Wilde

They say love is blind...and marriage is an institution. Well, I'm not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.
-- Mae West

Marriage: a tradition which would suffer considerably if men had to pay the minister the same fee they will eventually have to pay the divorce lawyer
-- Unknown

Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
-- King Vidor

Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.
-- Joseph Barth

If a man truly wants to communicate with his wife, he must enter her world of emotions.
-- Gary Smalley

Marriage is not a ritual or an end.
  It is a long, intricate,
  intimate dance together
  and nothing matters more
  than your own sense of balance
  and your choice of partner.
-- Amy Bloom

All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way
-- Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
-- Goethe

Men think if they're getting laid, everything is fine. Women think if they feel good, everything is fine. Neither turns out to be a very good indicator.
-- Mark Lawrence

Home is the place where boys and girls first learn how to limit their wishes, abide by rules, and consider the rights and needs of others.
-- Sidonie Gruenberg

Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible -- the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.
-- Virginia Satir

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
-- Phyllis Diller

Every woman should marry, and no man.
-- Benjamin Disraeli

I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor

There was no chemistry or biology, so we're history.
-- Someone's Ex

You have the right to remain single. If you give up that right, anything you say may be used against you in a court of law.
-- Mike Baldwin

Choose wisely. Treat kindly.
-- Dr. Laura Schlessinger

The young man who wants to marry happily should pick out a good mother and marry one of her daughters - any one will do.
-- J. Ogden Armour

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
-- Henry Ward Beecher

More than in any other human relationship, overwhelmingly more, motherhood means being instantly interruptible, responsive, responsible.
-- Tillie Olsen

Mothering/nurturing is a vital force and process establishing relationships throughout the universe.
-- Bernice Reagon

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.
-- Oprah Winfrey

Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.
-- Elizabeth Stone

There are two kinds of women: those who want power in the world, and those who want power in bed.
-- Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

Here's to woman! Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.
-- Ambrose Bierce

Man is given the choice between loving women and understanding them.
-- Ninon de Lenclos

Women want mediocre men, and men are working to become as mediocre as possible.
-- Margaret Mead

Nobody has ever before asked the nuclear family to live all by itself in a box the way we do. With no relatives, no support, we've put it in an impossible situation.
-- Margaret Mead

After about 20 years of marriage, I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of that one [what women want]. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate.
-- Mel Gibson

Of all the peoples whom I have studied, from city dwellers to cliff dwellers, I always find that at least 50 percent would prefer to have at least one jungle between themselves and their mothers-in-law.
-- Margaret Mead

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.
-- Oscar Wilde

When you take a woman away from her man, what you get is a woman who can be taken away from her man.
-- Mark Lawrence

Brigands demand your money or your life, whereas women require both.
-- Samuel Butler

Women do not find it difficult nowadays to behave like men, but they often find if extremely difficult to behave like gentlemen.
-- Compton Mackensie

A woman uses her intelligence to find reasons to support her intuition.
-- Gilbert K. Chesterton

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

When subjected to extreme feminine heat and pressure, male hydrocarbons will often produce a diamond.
-- Omni

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I shouldn't be at all surprised.
-- Dorothy Parker

When women of the family are corrupted, then chaos is born in society.
-- Arjuna

My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant

Honesty without compassion and understanding is not honesty, but subtle hostility.
-- Rose N. Franzblau

I may be wrong, but I'm never in doubt.
-- Marshall McLuhan

When the facts change, I change my opinion. What do you do, sir?
-- Lord John Maynard Keynes

If you understand, then things are exactly what they are. And, if you do not understand, then things are exactly what they are.
-- Gensha, Zen Master

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.
-- Dennis Miller

Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.
-- Galileo Galilei

The difference between truth and fiction is that fiction has to make sense.
-- Mark Twain

That's the way things come clear. All of a sudden. And then you realize how obvious they've been all along.
-- Madeleine L'Engle

No, I don't understand my husband's theory of relativity, but I know my husband and I know he can be trusted.
-- Elsa Einstein

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
-- Napoleon Bonaparte

The liar's punishment ... is that he cannot believe anyone else.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.
-- Siddhartha Gautama, the one who woke up.

There's a world of difference between truth and facts. Facts can obscure the truth.
-- Maya Angelou

That's not even wrong.
-- Wolfgang Pauli

If you are going through hell, keep going.
-- Winston Churchill

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
-- Winston Churchill

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.
-- Winston Churchill

I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I speak the truth, and they never believe me.
-- Conte Camillo Benso di Cavour

A fanatic is someone who can't change his mind and who won't change the subject.
-- Winston Churchill

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
-- Winston Churchill

They are just jealous because they don't have three wise men and a virgin in the whole organization.
-- Mayor Vincent J. Ciarci, on the ACLU's suit to have a city nativity scene removed.

The end of the day is near when small men make long shadows.
-- Confucius

When I was a boy, I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.
-- Clarence Darrow

Americans never will be slaves: they are free to do whatever the Government and public opinion allow them to do.
-- G.B.Shaw

The modern definition of 'racist' is someone who is winning an argument with a liberal.
-- Peter Brimelow

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb deciding what to have for dinner. Liberty is a well-armed lamb.
-- Benjamin Franklin

It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong.
-- Thomas Sowell

The biggest gap in the world is the gap between the justice of a cause and the motives of the people pushing it.
-- John P. Grier

Democracy destroys itself because it abuses its right to freedom and equality. Because it teaches its citizens to consider audacity as a right, lawlessness as a freedom, abrasive speech as equality, and anarchy as progress.
-- Isocrates

Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied.
-- Otto von Bismarck

When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.
-- Otto von Bismarck

The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night.
-- Otto von Bismarck quotes

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
-- Woody Allen

Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.
-- Sigmund Freud

What no wife of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working when he's staring out of the window.
-- Burton Rascoe

An employer once said, "What if I train my people and they leave?" I say, what if you don't train them... and they stay...
-- Evan Kirshenbaum

Those young women who want a career... They can have mine.
-- Mark Lawrence

Patience is the most necessary quality for business, many a man would rather you heard his story than grant his request.
-- Lord Chesterfield

Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.
-- Lou Holtz

There are only two things that matter in business: the smile on your customer's face when he uses your product or service, and the smile on your face when you make your bank deposit.
-- Robert Townsend

Study the past if you would divine the future.
-- Confucius

If past history was all there was to the game, the richest people would be librarians.
-- Warren Buffet

If they give you ruled paper, write the other way.
-- e. e. cummings

Creativity is essentially a lonely art. An even lonelier struggle. To some a blessing. To others a curse. It is in reality the ability to reach inside yourself and drag forth from your very soul an idea.
-- Lou Dorfsman

If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
-- Ogden Nash

Potential means you haven't done anything yet.
-- Bill Parcels

A critic is someone who enters the battlefield after the war is over and shoots the wounded.
-- Murray Kempton

Crash programs fail because they are based on theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby in a month.
-- Wernher von Braun.

If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
-- Ludwig Wittgenstein

Language is a part of our organism and no less complicated than it.
-- Ludwig Wittgenstein

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?
-- Clarence Seward Darrow

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
-- Groucho Marx

Time's fun when you're having flies.
-- Kermit the Frog

Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
-- Noam Chomsky

Not only does the English Language borrow words from other languages, it sometimes chases them down dark alleys, hits them over the head, and goes through their pockets.
-- Eddy Peters

Not only that, instead of the money, it escapes with the pocket lint.
-- Don Roberts

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
-- R.D.Laing

I know of no more disagreeable situation than to be left feeling generally angry without anybody in particular to be angry at.
-- Frank Moore Colby

Common sense is nothing more than a deposit of prejudices laid down in the mind before you reach eighteen.
-- Albert Einstein

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
-- Albert Einstein

Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never.
-- Winston Churchill

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.
-- Ann Landers

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
-- Margaret Mead

Beware the man with little money, for he has nothing to lose.
-- Unknown

Children are our second chance to have a great parent-child relationship.
-- Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
-- Katharine Hepburn

I intend to live forever, or die trying.
-- Groucho Marx

What if it is for life's sake that we must die? In truth we are not individuals; and it is because we think ourselves such that death seems unforgivable. We are temporary organs of the race, cells in the body of life; we die and drop away that life may remain young and strong. If we were to live forever, growth would be stifled, and youth would find no room on earth. Death, like style, is the removal of rubbish, the circumcision of the superfluous. In the midst of death life renews itself immortally.
-- Will Durant

Life comes only from life.
-- Louis Pasteur

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
-- Unknown member of AA (Not Einstein, Not B. Franklin)

You can't leave footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to leave butt prints in the sands of time?
-- Bob Moawad

A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.
-- Lao Tzu

Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path so others may follow.
-- Jim Kissel

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
-- Vivek

If you want total security, go to prison. There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking... is freedom.
-- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
-- Charles de Gaulle

Only the mediocre are always at their best.
-- Jean Giraudoux

You know how dumb the average guy is? Well, by definition, half of them are even dumber than that.
-- J.R. 'Bob' Dobbs

Grandchildren are God's reward for not eating your teenagers.
-- unknown

Some believe that evolution stops at the neck: that human anatomy evolved, but human behavior is culturally determined.
-- Anne Campbell

You are only young once, but you can be immature forever.
-- John P. Grier

I do not fear death, in view of the fact that I was dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and did not suffer the slightest inconvenience from it.
-- Mark Twain

Dreams are real as long as they last. Can we say more of life?
-- Havelock Ellis

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful; Nooses give;
Gas smells awful; You might as well live.
-- Dorothy Parker

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.
-- Bertrand Russell

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Search all the parks in all your cities,
  You'll find no statues of committees.
-- Gilbert K. Chesterton

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
-- Dwight David Eisenhower

And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee.
-- Dennis Miller

Remember, guns don't kill people -- unless you practice real hard.
-- Bill Maher

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
-- George Carlin

Never complain. Never explain.
-- Benjamin Disraeli

Without men, civilization would last until the oil needed changing.
-- Fred Reed

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
-- Napoleon Bonaparte

In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of.
-- Confucius

The liberty of the individual is no gift of civilization. It was greater before there was any civilization.
-- Sigmund Freud

Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. We need more statesmen.
-- Bob Edwards

What is the market? It is the law of the jungle, the law of nature. And what is civilization? It is the struggle against nature.
-- Edouard Balladur

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
-- Albert Einstein

The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible.
-- Albert Einstein

For every problem there is a solution which is simple, clean and wrong.
-- Henry Louis Mencken

Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.
-- Samuel Johnson

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-- Arthur C. Clarke

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
-- Kulawiec

When Nature has work to be done, she creates a genius to do it.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

And then abuses him until he does it.
-- Mark Lawrence

Evolution writ large is the belief that a cloud of hydrogen will spontaneously invent extreme-ultraviolet lithography, perform Swan Lake, and write all the books in the British Museum.
-- Fred Reed

A little science estranges a man from God. A lot of science brings him back.
-- Francis Bacon

A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it.
-- Max Planck

In the absence of time we are left with the changeless, since change can take place only in time. And since smallness and dividedness can exist only in space, in the absence of space we are left with the infinite, the undivided.
-- John Dobson

Statistics: the mathematical theory of ignorance.
-- Morris Kline

A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
-- Paul Erdös

A computer scientist is a machine for converting coffee into urine.
-- Alan Kay

A theory is something nobody believes, except the person who made it. An experiment is something everybody believes, except the person who made it.
-- Albert Einstein

We are all agreed that your theory is crazy. The question which divides us is whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being correct. My own feeling is that it is not crazy enough.
-- Niels Bohr

A good rule of thumb to keep in mind is that anything that calls itself `science' probably isn't.
-- Dave O'Shea

He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts: for support rather than illumination.
-- Andrew Lang.

To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old problems from a new angle, requires creative imagination and marks real advance in science.
-- Albert Einstein

Science can purify religion from error and superstition. Religion can purify science from idolatry and false absolutes.
-- John Paul II, Pope

No great discovery was ever made without a bold guess.
-- Sir Isaac Newton

The Creation of the Universe was made possible by a grant from Texas Instruments.
-- PBS

To make a discovery takes long years, but thereafter it can be explained in the course of an hour.
-- Steno

Reality is that which refuses to go away when I stop believing in it.
-- Phillip K. Dick

If you torture data sufficiently, it will confess to almost anything.
-- Fred Menger

Science is not about consensus, and consensus is not science.
-- Burt Rutan.

For success in science and art a dash of autism is essential.
-- Hans Asperger

Physics is to math what sex is to masturbation.
-- Richard Feynman

Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it.
-- Richard Feynman

The belief that there is only one truth, and that oneself is in possession of it, is the root of all evil in the world.
-- Max Born

To die for a religion is easier than to live it absolutely.
-- Jorge Luis Borges

If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - a Christian.
-- Mark Twain

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
-- Ambrose Bierce

Church is not a museum for Saints, but rather a hospital for sinners.
-- Ann Landers

The Lord God is subtle, but He is not malicious.
-- Albert Einstein

Don't pray for your salvation, there are no gods who will save you. Work out your own salvation, with diligence.
-- Siddhartha Gautama, the one who woke up.

Worship isn't God's show. God is the audience. God's watching. The congregation, they are the actors in this drama. Worship is their show. And the minister is just reminding the people of their forgotten lines.
-- Soren Kierkegaard

Prove all things.
-- St. Paul

You must have faith.
-- Max Planck

Christian fundamentalism is the doctrine that there is an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe-spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life.
-- Andrew Lias

Which is it, is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's?
-- Nietzsche

As Man now is, God once was; as God is now, Man may be.
-- Lorenzo Snow,

I'm ok with God - it's his fan club that bothers me.
-- Unknown

There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan for.
-- Sir Fred Hoyle

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.
-- Lily Tomlin

Stupidity is also a gift of God, but one mustn't misuse it.
-- Pope John Paul II

The Body of B. Franklin Printer, Like the Cover of an Old Book, Its Contents Torn Out And Stripped of its Lettering and Gilding, Lies Here Food for Worms, But the Work shall not be Lost, For it Will as He Believed Appear Once More In a New and more Elegant Edition Revised and Corrected By the Author

-- Benjamin Franklin, epitaph written at age 22 but never used